Feelin’ It

Balls, man.  I’m feeling it.

I don’t know when I’ve ever been this tired.  Maybe it’s the Tamoxifen (or “neat mix of” if you’re into anagrams).  Maybe it’s the Death Star.  I dunno what it is.  But I’ve never been so tired in all of my life.

Then on Sunday the lower back pain started.  The kind you can’t edge off with an ice pack or some Ibuprofen (or “bonfire up” if you’re into anagrams).  So I think the Tie Fighters from the Death Star are making themselves heard.  Fuckers.  Who gave them the green light to set up an outpost?

My lymph nodes, apparently.  They’re clear.  The Death Star Tie Fighters zipped right past the barricades while the nodes were all sleeping on the job.  I can see one or two of them nodding off–but all of them?  Talk about a bunch of under performers.  It’s embarrassing.  I no longer speak to them.

The Death Star, smirking smugly, is jabbing me too.  Yes, we all know you’re there.  Shrink already, low life.

Of course my momentary whining does a disservice to the women whose words I read every day.  They’re taking chemo, taking the hair loss in stride, sucking up the joint pain, the headaches, the skin problems, the sleeplessness; managing their respective diseases with headstrong resistance.  Some are at the end of their disease.  Others are spunky and busy advocates for real action.  And there are the men out there dealing with their own damned breast cancers.

But in the end I can only feel what I feel.

It’s tough, man.  And I’m really feeling it today.

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15 Responses to Feelin’ It

  1. anomar13 says:

    The chocolate is great advice. Then there are these little things called naps. Love them. Nap, chocolate, repeat. Hope tomorrow is better:)


  2. anomar13 says:

    The Tamoxifen definitely makes it worse. I like the chocolate advice. Then there are these little things called naps. Nap, chocolate, repeat. Hope tomorrow is better.


  3. Lee Asbell says:

    Eat more chocolate. It does not help the fatigue but it sure tastes good.

  4. Janet Golden says:

    It’s the tamoxifen. They pretty much tell you that here: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/fatigue/Patient/page1/AllPages It really sucks. I don’t have anything uplifting to say–just hang in there and call and get some pain medicine to have on hand. J

  5. I’m wrapping you in a gentle pink cyber hug…

    There, now you can concentrate on not yakking and you’ll forget the other stuff 😉

    Seriously, hope you feel better

  6. Sending you hugs…Been there and I know how awful it is…you are not alone in this…xo

  7. I, of course, am one of those who manages all of this without complaining and whinning, who always has a smile on my face and a cheerful word on encouragement … who am I kidding? I am moving away from the computer now because God has these co-ordinates for the bolt of lightening! Can I come over to your computers and hide from the Judgement from on high? …

  8. Knot Telling says:

    The fatigue is awful. I’m feeling it today, too. I was feeling it less yesterday and I overdid it by walking for a couple of hours. Harumph- teach me to do something from an “old normal”.

    There are ways to handle it. Reasonable, gentle exercise (a.k.a. do as I say, not as I do) is a good one. Also good sleep hygiene and nutrition, yada yada.

    The main thing is – you are not alone. Hugs to you!

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