Do you ever get annoyed when things go right? I do. That is to say that you get into a certain groove and begin to construct your mental and physical mindset accordingly. And then–BAM!–out of the blue things go right! What’s up with that?
Okay, maybe I need to explain this a little.
I was reading over my blog entries from the past two months and it’s interesting to see how the landscape changes, how I’m feeling from day to day, what is setting me off, and what calms me down. Early on I had no problems with Tamoxifuck (that’s Tamoxifen for you purists and TFK for short). I had nausea that was barely perceptible. Then came the joint pain and fatigue. Once I accepted that life would be one sleepy adventure after another the vertigo started.
So the other day I stayed home because I was flagged and the vertigo had hit me again. It was a bad day, perhaps made worse still with the dark clouds and rain that fell in sheets. And then the following day it hit. Energy. Energy returned to the Temple of Scorch.
TFK is a fickle little bitch. Temperamental and nasty. No one ever mentioned that in the rants on the discussion boards. It’s like everyone bitched about the first couple of months on TFK. But, like a cruel joke, all of the bitchers disappeared and never reported back on any alleged improvement of fatigue or pain. Yeah, when things go right, to hell with the newbies; let them find out for themselves.
Granted, I don’t know how long this little stretch will last, which is perhaps why people keep silent. Why get your hopes up? It could go on for a few more days or come to abrupt halt in the middle of teaching a class. Still, it’s thrown a wrench into my plan. I’m one of those all or nothing people: I work hard and I rest hard; there’s scarcely a middle ground. When I begin to care again I go into overdrive, so I’m sprinting, working, running, and moving with abandon. Oh, this feels so good! And when it comes to an end I will likely not be happy.
Without so much as a warning, TFK will decide it’s in a mood and play havoc on my body. I don’t know why I’m so surprised, really. It’s all in the chemical structure.