So tired of thinking about, and writing about, and talking about, and living with cancer. And there is no end game.
October is making me physically sick. I underestimated the effect this month of pink overkill would have on me. It’s the first day since July 19 where I just didn’t give a damn. I haven’t called for my biopsy results. I mean, what am I going to find out? That I have cancer? No news is good news (it’s all relative at this level).
Writing helps enormously. Knowing you’re all reading and commenting? Man, I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me and uplifts me. But some days? Well, unfortunately I’m not the only one in the world who feels this way from time to time.
I am serious about political action to promote policy friendly to breast cancer research, but I may need to take a break from writing from time to time so I can allow myself to also become absorbed in my work–which I enjoy despite all the work warts we all have. The work I do is a dream job for many people, so I am aware of how fortunate that I am. I want to make sure I do it well and leave a good legacy. My staff depends on me, my colleagues, and the faculty, students and scholars whom I serve. So it’s important for me to do the best that I can and to continue to do it well.
This has been, by far, the most prolific period in my life and I don’t see that stopping anytime soon. Indeed would that I could lay my head on the pillow without thinking, “Oh, that would make a great post!” But I think I may need to reduce the volume of my posts; I know you like content–the stats are crystal clear on that mark–I just may need to cut back a tad. I also want to write a few research-based articles, so I’ll need some time to pull all of that together.
So today was not the best of days, but to make it even more morose I found an interesting find in the pinkwashing arena. A fucking grave marker for BREAST CANCER SUPPORT. I guess on the flip side it’s something uniquely tailored to the Stage IV community and we have been bitching about how we’re consistently ignored. So, thank you?