The Wall

Damn, I’ve hit my first wall.

So tired of thinking about, and writing about, and talking about, and living with cancer.   And there is no end game.

October is making me physically sick.  I underestimated the effect this month of pink overkill would have on me.  It’s the first day since July 19 where I just didn’t give a damn.  I haven’t called for my biopsy results.  I mean, what am I going to find out?  That I have cancer?  No news is good news (it’s all relative at this level).

Writing helps enormously.  Knowing you’re all reading and commenting?  Man, I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me and uplifts me.  But some days?  Well, unfortunately I’m not the only one in the world who feels this way from time to time.

I am serious about political action to promote policy friendly to breast cancer research, but I may need to take a break from writing from time to time so I can allow myself to also become absorbed in my work–which I enjoy despite all the work warts we all have.  The work I do is a dream job for many people, so I am aware of how fortunate that I am.  I want to make sure I do it well and leave a good legacy.  My staff depends on me, my colleagues, and the faculty, students and scholars whom I serve.  So it’s important for me to do the best that I can and to continue to do it well.

This has been, by far, the most prolific period in my life and I don’t see that stopping anytime soon.  Indeed would that I could lay my head on the pillow without thinking, “Oh, that would make a great post!”  But I think I may need to reduce the volume of my posts; I know you like content–the stats are crystal clear on that mark–I just may need to cut back a tad.  I also want to write a few research-based articles, so I’ll need some time to pull all of that together.

So today was not the best of days, but to make it even more morose I found an interesting find in the pinkwashing arena.  A fucking grave marker for BREAST CANCER SUPPORT.  I guess on the flip side it’s something uniquely tailored to the Stage IV community and we have been bitching about how we’re consistently ignored.  So, thank you?

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19 Responses to The Wall

  1. Marie says:

    Your blog is a gift to all of us who read it, but you need to take care of yourself above all else. And that includes doing all the other things you want to do as well. Even work. So do what you need to do. All of us lurchers will still be here when you get back.

  2. I’m glad to have found your through twitter, Sarcastic Boob. 🙂 And as for taking a break in posting frequency – that’s 100% reasonable in my opinion. We only have so much energy, and like you I find that sometimes the focus needs to shift (including blogging less, or on a different topic).

    I really look forward to reading more, whenever you’re ready to post again.


  3. jlg says:

    I think it is a great idea to pull back on the blog writing and focus on some other things. Why? Because that is what you want to do. So do it!

  4. I would fucking haunt anyone who put a pink ribbon funeral wreath on my grave. For real.

    I enjoy reading you and I’ll keep checking in.

  5. Katie says:

    It might be from reading your blog, but this October seems especially obnoxious with the pink ribbon propaganda.

  6. …as long as you promise to keep posting, I guess you have my permission to do some research. You were asking for my permission, right?

  7. @rupertbu says:

    Does anybody understand what you are going through, highly unlikely, especially from my side of the gender wall?

    Yours, and others, blogging output is absolutely amazing, not only for the content, but the regularity, and this applies across the blogging community, not your particular niche.

    I fully understand the distaste for the runaway train of pinkness, however away from the western nations, for example here in the Middle East, the Pink campaign has overwhelmingly been adopted, which cannot be a bad thing.

    I am aghast that 75% of referrals in UAE do not return for further examination, and like the water on the stone, the Pink Campaign is an acceptable way to reduce those numbers.

    One solution for you may be to reduce content, easier said than written, yet maintain the discipline of regular posting. As Dickens found the publication of serials maintained interest of his readership, without overwhelming. David Copperfield runs to 716 pages, rather off-putting to most readers, but in serial form a runaway winner!

    • @rupertbu says:

      My apologies for abusing runaway!

      • Scorchy says:

        Don’t be silly. I appreciate your input. It’s funny, actually, I thought of Dickens when I thought of possibly cutting down on posts.

        I know how I am–I am likely to keep posting daily–damn the torpedoes and all of that. The pink ribbon in the Middle East is actually something I’m researching. I wonder if it will be more effective in that there is the absence of the sexualized notion of breasts (at least publicly).

        Thanks Rupert! I’m so glad you’ve got my back in the UAE!

      • @rupertbu says:

        Sorry Scorchy I missed your comment.

        Drop me a blank email at as I am quite involved with some organisations over here.

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